|
Introduction
It’s Valentine’s Day and I ought to have a sermon on love or marriage or
romance or something. But I don’t, although I do have this story. It’s
about an elderly couple who lived together in a nursing home. They had
been married for 60 years, but their relationship was filled with
constant arguments, and shouting contests. The fights didn't stop even
in the nursing home.
In fact, the couple argued and squabbled
from the time they got up in the morning until they fell in bed at
night. It became so bad that the nursing home threatened to throw them
out if they didn't start working out their problems agreeably. Even
then, the couple couldn't agree on what to do.
Finally, the wife
said to her husband: "I'll tell you what, Joe, let's just pray that one
of us dies. And after the funeral is over, I'll go live with my sister.”
Disagreements don’t just happen in marriages, you know, they are
everywhere imperfect human beings are, trying to coexist alongside other
imperfect human beings. Even in church. Church squabbles have long been
a favorite topic for skeptics and cynics. Here’s an example of an
inter-church argument that may or may not have actually occurred. Show
slides of church signs.
Today’s text deals not with an
inter-church fight, but with an intra-church fight. Actually one that
was limited to just two members in the church at Philippi, but that,
nevertheless, brought grief to others in its wake. Two women, evidently
leaders in that local church, came into disagreement. Because it had not
been handled properly, it has now escalated to the point of getting the
attention of not only the rest of the church, but of Paul.
I plead with Euodia and Syntyche to agree with
each other in the Lord. I plead with Euodia and Syntyche to agree with
each other in the Lord. Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these
women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along
with Clement and the
rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in
the book of life.
We don’t know the nature of the problem
between these two, but in the final analysis, it doesn’t really matter.
Anything we allow to become an issue and grows to the point of
disturbing relation- ships needs prescriptive attention. And this issue
has apparently begun to affect not only the two women, but the entire
congregation.
Some would say, “Big deal, so there’s a little
disagreement. Why drag it out in front of others? Let it go--it will
work itself out.” That’s true, if the problem does not grow to the point
of troubling the unity of the church. When does the problem of one or
two people become YOUR problem? As soon as you hear about it.
The Importance of Unity
Unity in the church is a critically important concept in the New
Testament. Unity is the purpose of God. This is magnificently stated in
Ephesians 1 – He has made known to us the
mystery of his will which he purposed in Christ . . . to bring all
things in heaven and on earth together under one head, even Christ.
Ephesians 2 explains the reason for the cross was to bring disparate
men together in Christ.
Chapter 3 of Ephesians says this mystery all happens as the church
publishes the manifold wisdom of God through the preaching and living
out of the gospel. In chapter four Paul urges the saints:
Maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of
peace. We are to teach, equip and serve together
until we all attain UNITY in the faith.
Chapters 4-5 tell us that unity in Christ is manifested in how we
live, how we treat one another, how we speak, how we carry on in our
homes, marriages, jobs, and relationships.
Anything that does not
reflect unity in and through the church is at cross purposes with God.
One of the worst things a believer can be involved in when it come to
the Lord’s church is division. God’s Word is dead serious when it comes
to unity, and He will not countenance divisiveness in any form. And when
disunity arises, as it always will with a church full of sinners trying
to grow into their adulthood as saints of God, it is the express will of
God that they fix it—now.
This is the theological framework of
the issue in Philippians. Here, what appears to be just a little hubbub
between two women suddenly gets the sober attention of the corresponding
apostle, who says, in essence, you two women get this problem fixed. Fix
it. Get help from Syzygus, get Clement to help you, call on anyone you
can in the body of Christ, but get this thing fixed.
As he deals
with the issue he draws on terminology he has already used in this
letter. In
1:27 he spoke of them standing firm in one spirit, contending as one
man (united) for the faith of the gospel. In
chapter two he pushed harder: complete my
joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and
purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition…look to the interests of
others. Later in
chapter 2: Do everything without complaining or arguing.
You
almost want to say, Hey brother Paul, is it really that big a deal?
Just a couple of ladies disagreeing… But Paul knew that it is in
these little issues, when they are not resolved, that major divisions
develop. It’s why he stressed truth and love so much. When people are
hurt, if they don’t tend to the healing, bitterness and strife ensue.
Pretty soon each side is looking for sympathy from others; next, they’re
looking for sympathizers who will stand on their side. Then, full scale
division in the church. People get hurt, the devil laughs with glee, the
church looks pathetic, the world scorns, Jesus weeps, the Spirit is
grieved.
You simply cannot overstate the importance of unity in
the church. And for that reason, you cannot overstate the danger of
strife.
Euodia and Syntyche
So, who are these two women, and what’s their problem? We don’t know the
problem. And apparently it is not important that we do know. What is
important is that we see how Paul took charge in the matter and, at the
risk of embarrassing the ladies in front of the rest of the church, he
called them out. Why? Is Paul just mean? No, he loves the church! He
must come after any cancer with a sharp scalpel. It is the nature of a
mama bear to protect her cubs, and you never want to get between them.
It is the nature of a Christian leader to protect the flock of God from
disunity, and if he is worth his salt, you don’t want to even look like
you’re divisive.
These two women were leaders in the church. They
were not busy-bodies or trouble-makers. We’re told they worked side by
side with Paul in ministry, along with other leaders in the Philippian
church. It’s one thing for a couple of immature Christians to get into a
scrape and not be able to work it out without some coaching/help. It’s
quite another when leaders, who presumably are mature in terms of
character and relational skills, can’t come to terms with each other.
You know, everyone is vulnerable to having disagreements and run-ins
with others. It happened to these two.
The problem wasn’t that
there was disagreement. The problem was that they let it get under their
skin, and they didn’t take care of the problem when it was little.
Pride, selfishness and retaliation are why we don’t apologize, forgive
and reconcile right away. They didn’t. And it got worse each day as the
hurt deepened, the felt need to commiserate with others grew. Here is a
big problem. In an effort to justify ourselves we will gravitate to
friends to talk about the problem. WRONG! Talk to the individual you are
in conflict with! Never talk with those who are unable to fix the
problem. You’re just looking for sympathy, company and division.
And that is exactly when it starts infecting the community of the
church. Listen. Not going directly to the person with whom you have an
offense (either as offender or offended) is a sin. And it is a compound
sin when you take the problem to someone else. You must fix the problem;
and you can’t without confronting.
Dealing with Conflict
1. Go first to the other party alone
You simply must not avoid this step. It is crucial. It is your
obligation. Don’t do an end-run around this responsibility because it
seems hard. If he doesn’t, he did you wrong. Don’t flirt with division
in the church by bypassing your responsibility to reconcile one-on-one.
Once you have attempted reconciliation with the individual, and if it
did not work, you are free to seek help from others you’re your friends
and sympathizers, though. 99 percent of the time, if you go in love and
prayerfully, you will effect reconciliation and you won’t need to bring
anyone else into the picture.
But if you don’t, prayerfully go to
one or two others whom you respect for their maturity in Christ and
preferably someone who knows the other individual and has demonstrated
love for that person. I would recommend an elder or two—that’s just
seems to be the natural choice. Go to the individual together, having
prayed in advance, and go in love and truth. I would recommend you meet
in a neutral location, that you all pray together first and that you
maintain respect and love in all you say.
I’m guessing Euodia and
Syntyche didn’t do this right. If they had they probably would have
circumvented the difficulty that the apostle now has to address. Another
good reason to take care of it early and properly: it’s a lot less
embarrassing in the long run.
2. You must go in truth and love
In the whole process, you must approach the matter in truth and love. By
that I mean, every word you say must be true and every thought word and
deed must be motivated by love for the other person. Paul Coughlin
offered a helpful analogy a couple years ago in an article in Focus on
the Family magazine. Three major personality types are found among
the judges of the popular reality TV show American Idol. Paula Abdul is
gracious but not always truthful. Aggressive Simon Cowell is truthful
but rarely gracious. Randy Jackson is often truthful and gracious. Be
like Randy.
Humility always befits the Christian. Always be
willing to let God show you where you might be wrong. Even though you’re
sure you’re right, admit the possibility of error and stay open. Try to
look at the other person as someone whom God may be using to get to you
about something He wants to correct in your life.
Josemaria
Escriva wrote these insightful words: Don’t say “that person bothers
me.” Think: “That person sanctifies me.” We Christians are called to be
peacemakers, and just as the job of the firefighter is to fight fires,
not start them, we are to resolve conflict, not perpetuate it.
A married couple had a quarrel and ended up giving each other the silent
treatment. A week into their mute argument, the man realized he needed
his wife's help. He needed to catch a flight to Chicago for a business
meeting, and he had to get up at 5 a.m.
Not wanting to be the
first to break the bitter silence, he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please
wake me at 5 a.m." and laid it on her bedside table.
The next
morning the man woke up only to discover his wife was already out of
bed, it was 9 a.m., and his flight had long since departed. Angered he
was about to find his wife and read her the riot act, when he noticed a
piece of paper by the bed.
He picked it up and read these words,
"It's 5 a.m. Wake up."
3. Carefront redemptively
When you need to confront an individual, think of it as “care”-fronting.
By that I mean, pray into your heart and mind Godly love for the other
person. See everything you do and say in the matter as motivated by
redemption. Keep telling yourself, “For the sake of Christ, I want this
thing to work out for the best for the this person and for myself and
for the Lord’s church. Lord, teach me to love him.” I have done this,
and I know it works. You see, too often, we send up prayers to the
effect that God ought to change that person, punish that person and in
general straighten him out. But we forget to ask for the love and grace
we need.
4. Persevere until there is reconciliation
Are you willing, even if it takes years, to do what it takes to redeem
this relationship, and to experience God’s sanctifying work in both your
lives? If you are, you will get there. If not, it means you are telling
God that if this thing is not cleared up in a week then I will once
again take up nursing my hurt and disliking the other person. That is
not godliness.
Paul pleads with Euodia and Syntyche. He begs
them: Agree with each other! Notice the encouragement Paul gives to the
rest of the church: help these women. We ought to be willing to do
whatever it takes to help one another reconcile when there are
misunderstandings and disagreements. And we ought to be willing to do
all that we can for the body of Christ to walk in love and grow in our
ability to forgive and move on in the grace of the Lord Jesus.
Loving actions can do much more than change your feelings; they can also
communicate in unmistakable terms the reality of your forgiveness and
your commitment to reconciliation.
Thomas Edison apparently understood this principle. When he and his
staff were developing the incandescent light bulb, it took hundreds of
hours to manufacture a single bulb. One day, after finishing a bulb, he
handed it to a young errand boy and asked him to take it upstairs to the
testing room. As the boy turned and started up the stairs, he stumbled
and fell, and the bulb shattered on the steps.
Instead of
rebuking the boy, Edison reassured him and then turned to his staff and
told them to start working on another bulb. When it was completed
several days later, Edison demonstrated the reality of his forgiveness
in the most powerful way possible. He walked over to the same boy,
handed him the bulb, and said, “Please take this up to the testing
room.”
Imagine how that boy must have felt. He knew that he
didn't deserve to be trusted with this responsibility again. Yet, here
it was, being offered to him again as though nothing had ever happened.
Nothing could have restored this boy to the team more clearly, more
quickly, or more fully.
|